:: Beyoncé taught me ::

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i admire Beyoncé’s confidence. somewhere in my childhood i lost my confidence. it up and left when people called it ‘outspoken’,  when my confidence in my character was called ‘stoosh’ or ‘stuck-up’, when my confidence in my intellect was called arrogance. granted, i may have been all of those things to some people, and i’ll own it, but along with conforming myself to social ideals, i lost that childhood verve. i lost the skill to shut out how people perceive me.

when you lose your confidence, you start to value people’s opinion on a level that is just unhealthy. then there’s the social media thing. i feel like i’m  bombarded with images of of people with an array of talents, and being a VERY competitive person, i am constantly worrying if i can keep up.

as a chef, what sets me apart?

as a singer, is my voice memorable? can i survive?

as a blogger, do i have what it takes to keep people reading?

i become so obsessed with winning that i berate myself into stagnation. it’s exhausting. seriously, i’m spent.

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this is a curious pose. looking like an angry towel sales girl, HA!

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SO,  as a method of self-preservation imma need my confidence back. i allowed people to take it away. at times i even gave it away because i confused it with a lack of humility. but im gonna need that shit back, like, today.

i need it back because i need to see something in me worth loving. i need it back because i’m tired of walking around dead inside, just a shell of the person i’m meant to be. i need it because i hate seeing the word ‘FAILURE’ imprinted on my forehead when i look in the mirror. i need it because perfection is deception. i need it because when someone asks me how i’m doing and i say ‘i’m OK’, i want to mean that shit.

one thing that has helped me on my road to confidence is to realize that i am part of something bigger. my gifts do not exist to serve me, they are to help others; to glorify my creator.

on a more superficial level, what i wear definitely helps. my style is a physical manifestation of the woman i am striving to be. they say fake it till you make it, right? well, when i dress like me 2.0, whoever she is, i feel like i’m a step closer to being her: confident and perfectly imperfect.

baby steps. one day i’ll look in the mirror and i’ll see light in my eyes, and pride on my chest. i’ll ask myself, ‘how did you get here?’and  i’ll laugh and squint my eyes and say,  ‘Beyoncé taught me.’

 

sequin crop top - asos belt - trifted denim cut-offs - thrifted heels - guess sunnies - ray-ban

sequined crop top – asos
belt – thrifted
denim cut-offs – thrifted
heels – guess
sunnies – ray-ban

featured is a song that’s a confidence booster for sure. when i’m in the dumps i like to listen to nicki minaj. so two of my faves on one record? GOLD!

fave lines: ‘you can say what you want, i’m the shit, i want everyone to feel like this’
‘tell ’em winning is my muthafucking protocol, cuz i score before i even throw the ball’

 

photo credit: SHAE-ANNE REID

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Comments

  1. Dionneeeeee you have me over here screaming. Yes to everything about this post. You look SO FLY! Your words and thoughts are crafted with such beauty.

    • YAY!!! Thank you Nailah. I’m so glad you enjoyed it and i’m so grateful that you responded. Lord knows you didn’t have to.
      I look forward to your posts so much… there’s something calming about them.

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